Give me some sunshine, Give me some rain... give me another chance I want to grow up once again.....
Who wrote these lines I wanna congratulate him/her for saying what 80% of people like me feel... we have had a wonderful life and we don't want to grow up once again because we want to redo what we have done or for that matter we are not sure of whom we are (Though that’s a different story that most of us think we deserved better and could have done a lot of things differently...) but when I listen to these lines what I honestly feel is that growing up was such a beautiful period... fun filled, lots of enthusiasm, excitement, awe that its worth living over and over again. As a kid the concept of "growing up" and becoming someone this world had never seen before was such a big motivation factor... what if!! That’s what my life had been... When I was in standard four.. I clearly remember I wanted to be a bharatnatyam dancer. We had this Dance class in school, Bharatnatyam and I don't remember why or how but for the first bharatnatyam class that I went to I didn’t had those gunghrus with me the next period was just the day after and since I had already not participated in the first group ghunghru dance I had ever witnessed live I just wanted to be the part of the next one.. my mom had some tough time arranging those gunghrus for me I still remember red colored band with three strips of golden tingling ghungrus.. life just changed after that... not that I was the best dancer or gave some stage performance at zonal levels but the next day when I returned from school and my mom as usual made us go for this afternoon siesta I quietly woke up and slipped out of the room , took those ghunghrus out my bag wore them and started walking in the verandah.. With summers at its peak , under the cool shade of guava trees, I started day dreaming as usual what if I am the best bharatnatyam dancer in India.. I imagined that I had just given this perfect dance performance (Doordarshan effect) I folded my hands in a namaskar and with the sound of those ghunghrus magnifying the trance... the golden tinge of my kanjiwaram saari absolutely blindning.I imagined walking down this red carpet thanking my fans who were standing in perfectly neat rows on my either side modestly accepting there well wishes..Ahhha... life was great… perfect infact.. I was this glorious bharatnatyam dancer.. This “ successful dance performance after show thanks scene” repeated for a number of days... lasted for only 10 - 15 mins everyday.. that’s as much time my mom used to take to realize I was not sleeping besides her... but this is one of those infinite number of childhood memories that is etched so clearly that it has become this very small part of me somehow ..
In sixth standard I used to say.. what if I grow up and become one of the selected few female politician.. to become a Member of parliament was my aim of life... yes what if I am an MP? I used to day dream about the "zero hour".. a white ambassdor car driving me to the gates of lok sabha and me this khadi clad female with a round red bindi and a folder of loose A4 sheets in hand walking swiftly through the corridors and discussing welfare of women.. haha.. was part of community service for two years@school
SUPW periods :- aka some useful periods wasted... i dont know bout you guys but I loved the extracurricular activities a lot.. not that I was exceptionally good at them I was infact even below normal.. but when the pressure to excel evaporates you shine... automatically
Give me some sunshine, Give me some rain... give me another chance I want to grow up once again ... just to relive those magical day dreams and out of the world trances
BTW Three Idiots is a movie you simply cannot afford to miss.. Perfect sequel to Taare Zameen par..Enjoyed each and every scene.. Thoroughly. bye bye or now.. Have a nice day
Friday, December 25, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
Marrying Me!!
Hi,
I know it has been terribly late .I cannot even say sorry to the selected few followers of my blog, but I hope to make up for the lost time. People have moved on to tweet and I feel left behind!! Plan to catch up soon though. When was it that I last wrote! Oh my god it has been more than a year… well the past year went wonderfully well I happened to visit the wild west… both US and UK. I earned my first ever USD and spent my first ever GBP with great élan and style. I visited this heavenly place called Scotland and had a soul touching experience at Portobello beach Edinburgh. I have had a good time in general and made some lasting relationships and loving memories in particular while I was in UK. And no prices guessing Europe is any time better than America.
So Yes, back to the title of my post “Marrying Me!!”. Ladies and gentlemen No prices guessing, “Marrying Me” is the biggest obsession with mom dad these days… I am not averse to this idea either. This is all we do on weekends search , search and search for that perfect guy that I can call my soul mate and my parents can proudly call their son-in-law. Those ladies out there… who are in a way no bigger than child- girls themselves. Who are single as of now, ready to mingle of late but don’t know how to go about it can relate to me anytime. We are the contemporary Indian Women modern yet traditional… but this post is not about everybody it is about me.
It’s about this Alice in wonderland type of girl… who had no great plans in her life. Who’s the most carefree and classy person you would have come across. Who gets what she wants… always. It’s about this girl who is a dreamer… who dreams and usually without her struggling much has those dreams fulfilled. She is like this hummingbird…. Who wants to fly, but she has accidently flown into a cage. The gates were never closed but she was happy where she was…. Now she wants to fly, realizes the cage gate was never closed but she doubts her wings might not be strong enough. What she fails to realize is that she was the one who flew in to the protection of the cage on her own will… she was the flying one!!!
So what’s tormenting this girl of ours . Let’s see, She’s someone who has been wearing those strange pink tinted glasses all her life. She has looked at the world the way she wants to… now suddenly she is stuck up in a very strange situation read ‘The Modern Indian Arrange Marriage’…. It’s a hypocrite type of a situation… Modern and Indian Marriages don’t go hand in hand for one thing… She feels like Alice lost in the wonderland.
Her Usual Weekends: Meeting Up With Guys
He: Hi.
She: Hi.
He: What’s your name?
She: xyz. What’s yours?
He: abc .
She: So what did you do after you schooling?
He: blah blah. What about you?
She: blah blaah…
He: What about your hobbies?
She: blah blah… What about yours
He: blah blah…
..
He and She: some more blabbering.
..
Parents: Blabbering at the same time In the vicinity… lots of blah-blah going around!!
….
Most of the time there is no connect... only blabbering. Saying no comes easily and naturally. Well the difficult part is saying “yes”. The ones caught up in this question have the most agonizing work to do. I’ll tell you something , I was seeing this guy kind of liking him….. everything was going fine till I wanted to decide what to do about my life in general and this matrimonial proposal in particular .I had no clue how to go about it.. ‘caught in the wrong place for sure’. It was an experience worth having most shaky, unsure and embarrassing two weeks of my life have just ended .I Thank god they have ended and I am once again in control of my destiny and my future. Why I behaved the way I behaved I can never tell. Its me having the commitment issues or the other person I can never be sure of ; but the point to be noted here ladies and gentlemen is that when the transition from “I” to “We” doesn’t come naturally and is being scrutinized every minute it can be suffocating and claustrophobic.
This post is especially for My Mr Right .The man in my life I have been waiting for. I seriously don’t know where you are, I don’t know who you are and I don’t know whether I’ll be able to recognize you or not. But the strong belief that someone custom made for me exists and that this Brida will find her soulmate helps me sail through.
So Ok retrospection and introspection time yet again.”Lady You have acted stupidly and embarrassingly ” is one understatement. You couldn’t have made more fool of yourself and you still need some good maturing to do before you outgrow that teenage mindset of yours. Missy you panicked big time and it had nothing to do with people around you…. It was just pure You!!! You having a conversation with yourself and getting disturbed…. There was this guy who said ‘I cannot say No” you thought he meant yes… you thought maybe he’s the one and you went’ bizzare’… you were like this tortoise… sitting on a beach , with your head secured in a shell waiting for the sun to rise… the sun comes up!! You sort of feel nice and want to sun bathe that delicate face and neck of yours. But you were so comfortable inside that you started acting crazy and started rolling over your back. IMAGINE!!! This is what you did.
The experience was worth having. I am sure I learnt a lot, But nonetheless those pink tinted glasses of mine have this strange tinge of orange now, read… reality which bites.
This post is for that one man that I’ll call my Mr. Right. I want him to know what I went through before he finally came in to my life. Its about my being understood by him completely .It is about this guy who has those delicate surgeon hands and when I give my heart to him I can relax and rest assure and say this is what I want in life.
And yes I’ll tell you what happened. I think I have bored the wandering readers enough to click the next blogger hehe…;. I have been forced to think about what I want from life and to do something serious about it….. The way I naturally flow has been stopped abruptly. These two weeks after introspection and retrospection could not be more hilarious…..
Guy : I cannot say no.. But I need time before I say yes.. can I have your number. We can talk of course with your parent’s permission.
Girl : exchanges number…(Thinking!!! oh my god!! Are you the one I had been waiting for!! oh my god!! Are you the one I had been waiting for!! oh my god!! Are you the one I had been waiting for!! oh my god!! Are you the one I had been waiting for!!......goes in an infinite loop.)
Guy: Speaking ,speking
Girl: not listening (Thinking!!! oh my god!! Are you the one I had been waiting for!... freaked out completely)
Guy: can I have your phone number.
Girl: yeah sure (thinking finally this mobile phone of mine may be of some use… oh my god!! Is this how this happens freaky, shaky.)
….
Telephone Conversation:
Guy : what do you want what are your expectation from your life partner.
Girl: Ummm… hmmm…… yeah… nothing actually……haven’t thought about it really (How she Feels ….. freaky shakky, like this tortoise of ours rolling on this sunny day…)
Guy : (Thinking.. ok aunty.. nice to talk to you.. wasting my time types…) OK… but still
Girl : Imagine blank… (She has gone blank very few times in life.. cannot handle this simple absurd conversation… Imagine!!!!!)
Guy: wants to talk.
Girl:[ Feeling … sulking.freaked out . why?
1. Since this decision has been left to me am I mature enough to handle it.
2. If he’s the one how will I get to know.
3. Wasn’t it suppose to click instantaneously..wasn’t this transition from “I” to “We” suppose to happen effortlessly and feel like an angels blessing. Its not happening smoothly what’s wrong?
4. I am not going to open up to someone who is not going to stay. I cannot have my heart bruised by an orthopedic I need a cardiologist.]
Speaking: beating around the bush…
I was feeling like this small deer protected by her herd. Left to cross this road called matrimony. I know that somewhere there’s another herd waiting for me but thetraffic is real heavy… I am scared of being crushed..
Some more stupid talks and then lets meet.
The meeting went smoothly. I won’t say I was under confident but neither can I say I was myself. My heart skipped a beat and I am thinking is it this guy or the situation I am in…
Some talking..
Went ok…
Came back..
A bit more relaxed..
Decided to talk on phone!!!
.. talked on phone
… took three days to be myself..
.. talked more.
.. felt OK!! (I mean with matrimony glooming at backend can’t say I was my best..)
And then lets meet!!!
Freaked out!!! Completely big way this time!! Had the most embarrassing and unsure day of my life that I can think of…. I was not in control of the situation and let it go out of my hands. I thank god that I am back in control… and that the day has come to an end.
Sample Converstaion:
He: .. so you like movies?
Me: Yes!!
He : And you hate ekta kapoor/karan Johar (I made him read my blogs just to let him know that am normal!! He refuses to buy it and I simply refuse to sell it.. if he cannot sense it he’s not worth it)
He:I love “Dil To Pagal Hai”, “Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gum”etc all
Me: OK! (what am I thinking !! This is not my type of romantic movie… I love fifty fisrt dates especially the part where adam sandlers woes Drew Barrymore every day with a new Idea. )I love pride and prejudice especially the part where Elizabeth and Darcy are deciding what will they call each other in different situations after they get married. Sweet November is one of my best movie . A walk to remember and Notebook can be watched 100 times over) and what do I say… nothing.
He: what’s your idea of romance. He lets me know his.. small things that he wants from life
ME : I go blank, say nothing! Keep quite (I am thinking of my idea of romance.. I am more of a love story by Erich Seaghel and We The living by Ayn Rand type of a person My Idea of a perfect evening is this long walk on a sandy beach, hands in hands after a hectic day.. and sharing what happened today. My Idea of romance is travelling in this crowdy bus and having these very strong shoulders to put my head on…. My Idea of romance is just looking at the guy and sense what he wants at the moment. My Idea is in becoming this strong anchor and soft sponge in his life at the same time. This sponge read enduring Indian women absorbs all the shocks in his life and lets him squeeze it dry at his will. My Idea of romance is simple.. live and love happily ever after.)
I think whatever happens, happens for the best.. Emotional fools like us need some good reality check. Each experience teaches you something!! I acted stupidly and concluded embarrassingly!! But this is how god wanted it to be. Writing about it has been healing. I feel refreshed.
Two movies end to end : Paa and 2012 with a loving friend and buying “Marrying Anita” and having My coffee My way will do the needful … I’ll be my usual self and I am happy to be back…BTW: to be continued till I meet my Mr. Right. I’ll be back with new experiences and another story.
I know it has been terribly late .I cannot even say sorry to the selected few followers of my blog, but I hope to make up for the lost time. People have moved on to tweet and I feel left behind!! Plan to catch up soon though. When was it that I last wrote! Oh my god it has been more than a year… well the past year went wonderfully well I happened to visit the wild west… both US and UK. I earned my first ever USD and spent my first ever GBP with great élan and style. I visited this heavenly place called Scotland and had a soul touching experience at Portobello beach Edinburgh. I have had a good time in general and made some lasting relationships and loving memories in particular while I was in UK. And no prices guessing Europe is any time better than America.
So Yes, back to the title of my post “Marrying Me!!”. Ladies and gentlemen No prices guessing, “Marrying Me” is the biggest obsession with mom dad these days… I am not averse to this idea either. This is all we do on weekends search , search and search for that perfect guy that I can call my soul mate and my parents can proudly call their son-in-law. Those ladies out there… who are in a way no bigger than child- girls themselves. Who are single as of now, ready to mingle of late but don’t know how to go about it can relate to me anytime. We are the contemporary Indian Women modern yet traditional… but this post is not about everybody it is about me.
It’s about this Alice in wonderland type of girl… who had no great plans in her life. Who’s the most carefree and classy person you would have come across. Who gets what she wants… always. It’s about this girl who is a dreamer… who dreams and usually without her struggling much has those dreams fulfilled. She is like this hummingbird…. Who wants to fly, but she has accidently flown into a cage. The gates were never closed but she was happy where she was…. Now she wants to fly, realizes the cage gate was never closed but she doubts her wings might not be strong enough. What she fails to realize is that she was the one who flew in to the protection of the cage on her own will… she was the flying one!!!
So what’s tormenting this girl of ours . Let’s see, She’s someone who has been wearing those strange pink tinted glasses all her life. She has looked at the world the way she wants to… now suddenly she is stuck up in a very strange situation read ‘The Modern Indian Arrange Marriage’…. It’s a hypocrite type of a situation… Modern and Indian Marriages don’t go hand in hand for one thing… She feels like Alice lost in the wonderland.
Her Usual Weekends: Meeting Up With Guys
He: Hi.
She: Hi.
He: What’s your name?
She: xyz. What’s yours?
He: abc .
She: So what did you do after you schooling?
He: blah blah. What about you?
She: blah blaah…
He: What about your hobbies?
She: blah blah… What about yours
He: blah blah…
..
He and She: some more blabbering.
..
Parents: Blabbering at the same time In the vicinity… lots of blah-blah going around!!
….
Most of the time there is no connect... only blabbering. Saying no comes easily and naturally. Well the difficult part is saying “yes”. The ones caught up in this question have the most agonizing work to do. I’ll tell you something , I was seeing this guy kind of liking him….. everything was going fine till I wanted to decide what to do about my life in general and this matrimonial proposal in particular .I had no clue how to go about it.. ‘caught in the wrong place for sure’. It was an experience worth having most shaky, unsure and embarrassing two weeks of my life have just ended .I Thank god they have ended and I am once again in control of my destiny and my future. Why I behaved the way I behaved I can never tell. Its me having the commitment issues or the other person I can never be sure of ; but the point to be noted here ladies and gentlemen is that when the transition from “I” to “We” doesn’t come naturally and is being scrutinized every minute it can be suffocating and claustrophobic.
This post is especially for My Mr Right .The man in my life I have been waiting for. I seriously don’t know where you are, I don’t know who you are and I don’t know whether I’ll be able to recognize you or not. But the strong belief that someone custom made for me exists and that this Brida will find her soulmate helps me sail through.
So Ok retrospection and introspection time yet again.”Lady You have acted stupidly and embarrassingly ” is one understatement. You couldn’t have made more fool of yourself and you still need some good maturing to do before you outgrow that teenage mindset of yours. Missy you panicked big time and it had nothing to do with people around you…. It was just pure You!!! You having a conversation with yourself and getting disturbed…. There was this guy who said ‘I cannot say No” you thought he meant yes… you thought maybe he’s the one and you went’ bizzare’… you were like this tortoise… sitting on a beach , with your head secured in a shell waiting for the sun to rise… the sun comes up!! You sort of feel nice and want to sun bathe that delicate face and neck of yours. But you were so comfortable inside that you started acting crazy and started rolling over your back. IMAGINE!!! This is what you did.
The experience was worth having. I am sure I learnt a lot, But nonetheless those pink tinted glasses of mine have this strange tinge of orange now, read… reality which bites.
This post is for that one man that I’ll call my Mr. Right. I want him to know what I went through before he finally came in to my life. Its about my being understood by him completely .It is about this guy who has those delicate surgeon hands and when I give my heart to him I can relax and rest assure and say this is what I want in life.
And yes I’ll tell you what happened. I think I have bored the wandering readers enough to click the next blogger hehe…;. I have been forced to think about what I want from life and to do something serious about it….. The way I naturally flow has been stopped abruptly. These two weeks after introspection and retrospection could not be more hilarious…..
Guy : I cannot say no.. But I need time before I say yes.. can I have your number. We can talk of course with your parent’s permission.
Girl : exchanges number…(Thinking!!! oh my god!! Are you the one I had been waiting for!! oh my god!! Are you the one I had been waiting for!! oh my god!! Are you the one I had been waiting for!! oh my god!! Are you the one I had been waiting for!!......goes in an infinite loop.)
Guy: Speaking ,speking
Girl: not listening (Thinking!!! oh my god!! Are you the one I had been waiting for!... freaked out completely)
Guy: can I have your phone number.
Girl: yeah sure (thinking finally this mobile phone of mine may be of some use… oh my god!! Is this how this happens freaky, shaky.)
….
Telephone Conversation:
Guy : what do you want what are your expectation from your life partner.
Girl: Ummm… hmmm…… yeah… nothing actually……haven’t thought about it really (How she Feels ….. freaky shakky, like this tortoise of ours rolling on this sunny day…)
Guy : (Thinking.. ok aunty.. nice to talk to you.. wasting my time types…) OK… but still
Girl : Imagine blank… (She has gone blank very few times in life.. cannot handle this simple absurd conversation… Imagine!!!!!)
Guy: wants to talk.
Girl:[ Feeling … sulking.freaked out . why?
1. Since this decision has been left to me am I mature enough to handle it.
2. If he’s the one how will I get to know.
3. Wasn’t it suppose to click instantaneously..wasn’t this transition from “I” to “We” suppose to happen effortlessly and feel like an angels blessing. Its not happening smoothly what’s wrong?
4. I am not going to open up to someone who is not going to stay. I cannot have my heart bruised by an orthopedic I need a cardiologist.]
Speaking: beating around the bush…
I was feeling like this small deer protected by her herd. Left to cross this road called matrimony. I know that somewhere there’s another herd waiting for me but thetraffic is real heavy… I am scared of being crushed..
Some more stupid talks and then lets meet.
The meeting went smoothly. I won’t say I was under confident but neither can I say I was myself. My heart skipped a beat and I am thinking is it this guy or the situation I am in…
Some talking..
Went ok…
Came back..
A bit more relaxed..
Decided to talk on phone!!!
.. talked on phone
… took three days to be myself..
.. talked more.
.. felt OK!! (I mean with matrimony glooming at backend can’t say I was my best..)
And then lets meet!!!
Freaked out!!! Completely big way this time!! Had the most embarrassing and unsure day of my life that I can think of…. I was not in control of the situation and let it go out of my hands. I thank god that I am back in control… and that the day has come to an end.
Sample Converstaion:
He: .. so you like movies?
Me: Yes!!
He : And you hate ekta kapoor/karan Johar (I made him read my blogs just to let him know that am normal!! He refuses to buy it and I simply refuse to sell it.. if he cannot sense it he’s not worth it)
He:I love “Dil To Pagal Hai”, “Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gum”etc all
Me: OK! (what am I thinking !! This is not my type of romantic movie… I love fifty fisrt dates especially the part where adam sandlers woes Drew Barrymore every day with a new Idea. )I love pride and prejudice especially the part where Elizabeth and Darcy are deciding what will they call each other in different situations after they get married. Sweet November is one of my best movie . A walk to remember and Notebook can be watched 100 times over) and what do I say… nothing.
He: what’s your idea of romance. He lets me know his.. small things that he wants from life
ME : I go blank, say nothing! Keep quite (I am thinking of my idea of romance.. I am more of a love story by Erich Seaghel and We The living by Ayn Rand type of a person My Idea of a perfect evening is this long walk on a sandy beach, hands in hands after a hectic day.. and sharing what happened today. My Idea of romance is travelling in this crowdy bus and having these very strong shoulders to put my head on…. My Idea of romance is just looking at the guy and sense what he wants at the moment. My Idea is in becoming this strong anchor and soft sponge in his life at the same time. This sponge read enduring Indian women absorbs all the shocks in his life and lets him squeeze it dry at his will. My Idea of romance is simple.. live and love happily ever after.)
I think whatever happens, happens for the best.. Emotional fools like us need some good reality check. Each experience teaches you something!! I acted stupidly and concluded embarrassingly!! But this is how god wanted it to be. Writing about it has been healing. I feel refreshed.
Two movies end to end : Paa and 2012 with a loving friend and buying “Marrying Anita” and having My coffee My way will do the needful … I’ll be my usual self and I am happy to be back…BTW: to be continued till I meet my Mr. Right. I’ll be back with new experiences and another story.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Hey Everyone!!! Its been impossibly long...I knw.... just recieved this mail... I had to post it... bye and take care
FORWARDED MAIL :: MUST READ IF YOU HAVEN't READ IT.
My Brother Vikram
When I talk about Luv, I don’t know where to begin. Capt. Vikram Batra PVC (posthumous) is Luv, and I, his younger twin, Kush. His identical twin. Ours was a childhood spent in the hills of Palampur making the most of our identical looks—playing pranks, filling in for each other and at times even getting punished for one another’s mistakes... The similarity ran deeper than looks. We also had the same interests. Both of us started playing table tennis at the age of ten. It’s another story that Vikram went on to become the school champion for five consecutive years. But I’d like to believe that I had a big hand in that. After all, I chose to lose to him in the semi-finals in the fifth year so that he could make the school record. But deep in my heart, I know that my brother—Shershah of Kargil—was a winner right from the start.
Shershah of Kargil. That’s what the enemy too called Vikram. That’s the mark he made on them on those unforgiving mountains of Kargil. I don’t know at what stage Vikram marched on way ahead of all of us. We’d grown up as regular kids, making our choices as we went along. The first different choice that I remember is when our father started giving us Rs 50 a month for the school bus fare. I chose to travel to school by bus. Vikram opted to walk it and instead spend those rupees in the canteen. As we grew up, Vikram opted for the Army, and I, rejected thrice by the Services Selection Board, settled for business administration. How thrilled he was when he made it to the Indian Military Academy (IMA), Dehradun.
It was 6 December 1997. Vikram Batra’s dream came true. He took the oath as an Officer of the Indian Army:
The Safety, Honour and Welfare of your country comes first, always and every time / The Honour, Welfare and Comfort of the men you command comes next / Your own Ease, Comfort and Safety comes last, always and every time. /
Mom and Dad pinned up the stars on his shoulder. He stood there smiling from ear to ear in his crew cut and several kilos thinner after the rigorous training. It was a grand moment. But it wasn’t going to be an easy life and Vikram knew that.
When he’d come home on annual leave, we would talk for hours about the challenges he faced in Sopore—the strife-torn town in Jammu & Kashmir’s Baramulla district—which was his first posting. He had been commissioned into 13 JAK Rif.
We would dream of the day he would command his regiment and I would get a chance to attend some of the regimental functions with his family and children. That dream is lost now.
Never could I have imagined, even in my wildest dreams, that the stories we saw in the famous TV serial, Param Vir Chakra, which we watched at a neighbour’s house in 1985 (we didn’t have a TV at home back then) would one day become so real for me. And Vikram would be the hero. Vikram was awarded the country’s highest gallantry award, posthumously. He was only 24. His famous words from the height of 18,000 feet: “Yeh Dil Maange More,” after victory over the enemy, still ring in my ears.
It’s been ten years. A lot has changed. And a lot has remained the same. I have many more grey strands in my hair. Vikram is as youthful as ever. Time cannot touch him. In these last ten years, I have longed to visit those mountains that he conquered. And then suddenly, out of the blue, I got a call to travel to Kargil and Drass. It was as if Vikram was calling me to have a chat with him. I didn’t look back, packed my bags and set out to meet him.
I landed in Leh at 10:30 in the morning on 2 July, five days before Vikram’s tenth death anniversary. The valley was more beautiful than it is made out to be in books. From the snow-capped hills surrounding it, I could almost sense Vikram looking at me. I then began the road trip to Drass to meet him. The mountain wind blew faster than the speed of the car and in my mind there was just one picture—of the bearded young man who had become a legend for pushing the enemy back at insurmountable heights where even life does not exist.
A little outside Leh, we reached Gurdwara Pathar Sahib. I said a prayer for Vikram and for all those great soldiers guarding those mountains and our motherland. I recalled what Vikram had written in one of his last letters before the attack: ‘Life is at total risk. Anything can happen here. Take care of yourself and Mom and Dad… My picture has appeared in The Times Of India. Keep a copy for me. I want to see it once I’m back.’ The picture had appeared on the front page of The Times of India on 2 July 1999. It showed him standing with an anti-aircraft gun and weapons he had captured from Pakistani soldiers. This was after the first ferocious attack on Peak 5140 launched after they performed pooja at the Ghumri Base Camp with the call of “Durga Mata Ki Jai”.
Vikram and his men captured point 5140 on 20 June 1999, and two weeks later, when his company launched the attack on point 4875 on 5 July, Vikram was fatally wounded—hit by sniper fire. The company captured the peak, but after 11 casualties. Vikram was one of them.
It was months later, at the Western Command headquarters, when I met the junior commissioned officer (JCO) who was with Vikram the day he was fatally wounded. He was the last man to speak with Vikram. Sub Major Raghunath Singh started wailing when he saw me. He solved the mystery of my twin’s death for me: a young officer, Vikram’s junior, was hit and crying for help. The JCO wanted to go out to help but Vikram stopped him. “The enemy was firing heavily. ‘You have a family and children back home, I will do this,’ saahab said. He stopped me with these words and went out,” Raghunath Singh told me as he wept like a baby, inconsolably. But Vikram was hit by sniper fire. Having realised that, the charged company went berserk, mad with rage at their leader being hit, and killed the enemy soldiers. The tricolour was planted atop point 4875—they call it Batra Top now. Vikram reached Palampur before the sun rose on 11 July 1999. He was wrapped in the tricolour, lying calm almost as if he was trying to catch up on sleep he had lost during these arduous assaults on those treacherous peaks.
Was I really so close to those peaks that I could almost see him fighting there? I wanted to reach up there as fast as possible, but the track was treacherous—the rocky mountain on one side and the sheer fall on the other. In some time, we had left the Indus River behind.
It was a breathtaking journey. A place so beautiful and yet caught in the crossfire of war a decade ago. Midway, at one of the military posts, we had lunch with the commanding officer of 4 JAK Rif. I also met an officer six months senior to Vikram—now a major—and a JCO, both of whom had fought the war together with Vikram. “You look so much like Vikram Sir,” the JCO said and hugged me. I’ve been told that a billion times in the last ten years. There are people now who know me as Captain Vikram Batra’s brother. Many of them even walk into my office at ICICI Bank in Delhi and stare at me as if they know me. Some of them even say, “We’ve seen you somewhere.” When I tell them I’m Captain Batra’s twin, they say, “Oh, ‘Yeh Dil Mange More,’” and shake my hand.
My dream of visiting Vikram as a commanding officer of a regiment couldn’t come true. But Vikram still commands. He’s there in the hearts of the soldiers posted in Kargil and Drass. In that mountain named after him (the Batra Top). And in the transit camp in Drass, called Capt Batra Transit Camp, where weary soldiers break their journey in the call of duty.
‘Call of duty’, the mention of these words takes me back to the days he was to be commissioned as an officer. When he was in the IMA, the footnote of Vikram’s letter pad read, ‘If Death comes to me before I prove my blood, I promise I’ll kill Death.’ You kept your word, Vikram. My Brother, My Twin, I salute you.
FORWARDED MAIL :: MUST READ IF YOU HAVEN't READ IT.
My Brother Vikram
When I talk about Luv, I don’t know where to begin. Capt. Vikram Batra PVC (posthumous) is Luv, and I, his younger twin, Kush. His identical twin. Ours was a childhood spent in the hills of Palampur making the most of our identical looks—playing pranks, filling in for each other and at times even getting punished for one another’s mistakes... The similarity ran deeper than looks. We also had the same interests. Both of us started playing table tennis at the age of ten. It’s another story that Vikram went on to become the school champion for five consecutive years. But I’d like to believe that I had a big hand in that. After all, I chose to lose to him in the semi-finals in the fifth year so that he could make the school record. But deep in my heart, I know that my brother—Shershah of Kargil—was a winner right from the start.
Shershah of Kargil. That’s what the enemy too called Vikram. That’s the mark he made on them on those unforgiving mountains of Kargil. I don’t know at what stage Vikram marched on way ahead of all of us. We’d grown up as regular kids, making our choices as we went along. The first different choice that I remember is when our father started giving us Rs 50 a month for the school bus fare. I chose to travel to school by bus. Vikram opted to walk it and instead spend those rupees in the canteen. As we grew up, Vikram opted for the Army, and I, rejected thrice by the Services Selection Board, settled for business administration. How thrilled he was when he made it to the Indian Military Academy (IMA), Dehradun.
It was 6 December 1997. Vikram Batra’s dream came true. He took the oath as an Officer of the Indian Army:
The Safety, Honour and Welfare of your country comes first, always and every time / The Honour, Welfare and Comfort of the men you command comes next / Your own Ease, Comfort and Safety comes last, always and every time. /
Mom and Dad pinned up the stars on his shoulder. He stood there smiling from ear to ear in his crew cut and several kilos thinner after the rigorous training. It was a grand moment. But it wasn’t going to be an easy life and Vikram knew that.
When he’d come home on annual leave, we would talk for hours about the challenges he faced in Sopore—the strife-torn town in Jammu & Kashmir’s Baramulla district—which was his first posting. He had been commissioned into 13 JAK Rif.
We would dream of the day he would command his regiment and I would get a chance to attend some of the regimental functions with his family and children. That dream is lost now.
Never could I have imagined, even in my wildest dreams, that the stories we saw in the famous TV serial, Param Vir Chakra, which we watched at a neighbour’s house in 1985 (we didn’t have a TV at home back then) would one day become so real for me. And Vikram would be the hero. Vikram was awarded the country’s highest gallantry award, posthumously. He was only 24. His famous words from the height of 18,000 feet: “Yeh Dil Maange More,” after victory over the enemy, still ring in my ears.
It’s been ten years. A lot has changed. And a lot has remained the same. I have many more grey strands in my hair. Vikram is as youthful as ever. Time cannot touch him. In these last ten years, I have longed to visit those mountains that he conquered. And then suddenly, out of the blue, I got a call to travel to Kargil and Drass. It was as if Vikram was calling me to have a chat with him. I didn’t look back, packed my bags and set out to meet him.
I landed in Leh at 10:30 in the morning on 2 July, five days before Vikram’s tenth death anniversary. The valley was more beautiful than it is made out to be in books. From the snow-capped hills surrounding it, I could almost sense Vikram looking at me. I then began the road trip to Drass to meet him. The mountain wind blew faster than the speed of the car and in my mind there was just one picture—of the bearded young man who had become a legend for pushing the enemy back at insurmountable heights where even life does not exist.
A little outside Leh, we reached Gurdwara Pathar Sahib. I said a prayer for Vikram and for all those great soldiers guarding those mountains and our motherland. I recalled what Vikram had written in one of his last letters before the attack: ‘Life is at total risk. Anything can happen here. Take care of yourself and Mom and Dad… My picture has appeared in The Times Of India. Keep a copy for me. I want to see it once I’m back.’ The picture had appeared on the front page of The Times of India on 2 July 1999. It showed him standing with an anti-aircraft gun and weapons he had captured from Pakistani soldiers. This was after the first ferocious attack on Peak 5140 launched after they performed pooja at the Ghumri Base Camp with the call of “Durga Mata Ki Jai”.
Vikram and his men captured point 5140 on 20 June 1999, and two weeks later, when his company launched the attack on point 4875 on 5 July, Vikram was fatally wounded—hit by sniper fire. The company captured the peak, but after 11 casualties. Vikram was one of them.
It was months later, at the Western Command headquarters, when I met the junior commissioned officer (JCO) who was with Vikram the day he was fatally wounded. He was the last man to speak with Vikram. Sub Major Raghunath Singh started wailing when he saw me. He solved the mystery of my twin’s death for me: a young officer, Vikram’s junior, was hit and crying for help. The JCO wanted to go out to help but Vikram stopped him. “The enemy was firing heavily. ‘You have a family and children back home, I will do this,’ saahab said. He stopped me with these words and went out,” Raghunath Singh told me as he wept like a baby, inconsolably. But Vikram was hit by sniper fire. Having realised that, the charged company went berserk, mad with rage at their leader being hit, and killed the enemy soldiers. The tricolour was planted atop point 4875—they call it Batra Top now. Vikram reached Palampur before the sun rose on 11 July 1999. He was wrapped in the tricolour, lying calm almost as if he was trying to catch up on sleep he had lost during these arduous assaults on those treacherous peaks.
Was I really so close to those peaks that I could almost see him fighting there? I wanted to reach up there as fast as possible, but the track was treacherous—the rocky mountain on one side and the sheer fall on the other. In some time, we had left the Indus River behind.
It was a breathtaking journey. A place so beautiful and yet caught in the crossfire of war a decade ago. Midway, at one of the military posts, we had lunch with the commanding officer of 4 JAK Rif. I also met an officer six months senior to Vikram—now a major—and a JCO, both of whom had fought the war together with Vikram. “You look so much like Vikram Sir,” the JCO said and hugged me. I’ve been told that a billion times in the last ten years. There are people now who know me as Captain Vikram Batra’s brother. Many of them even walk into my office at ICICI Bank in Delhi and stare at me as if they know me. Some of them even say, “We’ve seen you somewhere.” When I tell them I’m Captain Batra’s twin, they say, “Oh, ‘Yeh Dil Mange More,’” and shake my hand.
My dream of visiting Vikram as a commanding officer of a regiment couldn’t come true. But Vikram still commands. He’s there in the hearts of the soldiers posted in Kargil and Drass. In that mountain named after him (the Batra Top). And in the transit camp in Drass, called Capt Batra Transit Camp, where weary soldiers break their journey in the call of duty.
‘Call of duty’, the mention of these words takes me back to the days he was to be commissioned as an officer. When he was in the IMA, the footnote of Vikram’s letter pad read, ‘If Death comes to me before I prove my blood, I promise I’ll kill Death.’ You kept your word, Vikram. My Brother, My Twin, I salute you.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
My Book Shelf.... :-) ,Part 2
Hi it has been a long time since I wrote.... well lets talk about books again, I have read so many of them... Hills of Angheri By Kavery Nambisan, this is a story of a 12 year old village girl... going out to a big city and doing MBBS, the difficulties she faces in madras are hilarious, our protagonist has come from a village and is in awe of the city girls.. the description is really genuine and then comes a phase where in she is required to go to a village for her internship, while reading all that u can actually visualize the life of an Indian medical student, the description and details could not be more descriptive..... ummmm..... and then she decides to do MS, I mean in spite of the blunders in internship and her lack of confidence on her abilities imagine a surgeon... anyways she is associate to two surgeons in a government hospital who are rivals, and are as different from each other as one can possibly imagine, so imagine this poor under confident girl of ours and then to top that there is pressure from home to marry and then there is this guy she has a crush on since childhood but they are not that good friends... anyways the story goes on and on.. It’s hilarious, realistic and engrossing....
The next book I read was the Arrangements Of Love by a duhhh I don’t remember... the title could not be more deceiving, I wanted to read a love story :-( this one turned out to be another NRI saga... I mean I m sick of the kind of books Chitra banerjee (mistress of spices and arranged marriages), jumpha lahri (for interpretation of maladies and I am sure the unaccustomed earth now), preeti nayar (every thing she puts her hands on) and mera sayal (except anita and me) write, I mean I m a first hand Indian, I don’t want to see it the way you see it and please give me break.. Don’t give us your autobiographies, and your friends day to day experiences under the category fiction. chalo lets move on
The next one I picked up only because of its title, husbands and pumpkins..... it had those cartoons/ sketches we used to go see in magazines like ghrahshobha , I mean RK Narayanan kind of sketches, the were awesome and anyways I read it and seriously as my friend told me it looked like my grandfather was talking.. hehehe... but he had a very subtle sense of humor a wise man indeed though he was writing short stories I could understand his pace only by the time I was about to end it..
yes and ladies and gentlemen now comes the three mistakes of my life,chetan bhagat, I hated him for his second book one night at call centre it was more to encash on the success of his first book and was a pathetic story to tell , fitting only for a bollywood flick. anyways this one is surely not as interesting as five point someone but is much better than that call centre one, ok watt I like most about chetan bhagat.... he is an outgrown teenager is what one of my friends has to say and I cannot agree more, the way his love story progresses.. slowly , subtly and surely.. is something that any young Indian can relate too... What i liked most about this book is his way of narration and that feeling of belongingness you have when you read something you can fully identify and imagine..So I won’t say it was a bad read... but neither would I say that this is a must read...
chalo cya bye... I have no more energy left. cya next time
The next book I read was the Arrangements Of Love by a duhhh I don’t remember... the title could not be more deceiving, I wanted to read a love story :-( this one turned out to be another NRI saga... I mean I m sick of the kind of books Chitra banerjee (mistress of spices and arranged marriages), jumpha lahri (for interpretation of maladies and I am sure the unaccustomed earth now), preeti nayar (every thing she puts her hands on) and mera sayal (except anita and me) write, I mean I m a first hand Indian, I don’t want to see it the way you see it and please give me break.. Don’t give us your autobiographies, and your friends day to day experiences under the category fiction. chalo lets move on
The next one I picked up only because of its title, husbands and pumpkins..... it had those cartoons/ sketches we used to go see in magazines like ghrahshobha , I mean RK Narayanan kind of sketches, the were awesome and anyways I read it and seriously as my friend told me it looked like my grandfather was talking.. hehehe... but he had a very subtle sense of humor a wise man indeed though he was writing short stories I could understand his pace only by the time I was about to end it..
yes and ladies and gentlemen now comes the three mistakes of my life,chetan bhagat, I hated him for his second book one night at call centre it was more to encash on the success of his first book and was a pathetic story to tell , fitting only for a bollywood flick. anyways this one is surely not as interesting as five point someone but is much better than that call centre one, ok watt I like most about chetan bhagat.... he is an outgrown teenager is what one of my friends has to say and I cannot agree more, the way his love story progresses.. slowly , subtly and surely.. is something that any young Indian can relate too... What i liked most about this book is his way of narration and that feeling of belongingness you have when you read something you can fully identify and imagine..So I won’t say it was a bad read... but neither would I say that this is a must read...
chalo cya bye... I have no more energy left. cya next time
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Its Raining!!!!!!..... but my heart is seriously not paining ;-)
Its not Monday…. It’s a Tuesday but for the first time ever it feels like a Friday… the weather out here is awesome.. Seriously I told you there’s nothing like Delhi in March… spring as good as it can get on the unclaimed (sans buildings) lands……
But if there’s something like icing on the cake then for spring 2008 Delhi the day would unambiguously go to 31 March – 1 April. I got up at about 7:00 Am to get ready for office… went out looking for a towel , brushing my teeth and oh my god… the weather was ultimate… cool, fresh absolutely unadulterated winds…. Stood there for full 3 Minutes… absolutely jealous of the birds.. they were chirping, playing and having the best of every moment……
Anyways came here cribbing and thinking about those 3 minutes….. Convinced my friends for lunch at Haldiram’s and Pls don’t laugh that’s the only place accessible without much trouble from my office. I am spending some of the best hours of my days of some of the best years of my life at a location which is as barren as the depleting Aravalli hills... Anyways about this going out thing the plan was aborted sooner than it was conceived. No point going into the details. Anyway I have absolutely 3rd grade work to do…. It’s not at all exciting and I feel sick the moment I see this application…. My fate alas….
I am a strong believer of the fact that the book finds the reader and its never the other way round. I used to read osho a lot… but then there was a time I found him artificial….anyways somehow I have discovered this Osho Book and am enjoying it so you see the book has found me at last…….. nice one its about Krishna…..
And then the fiction category I recently read love and longing in Mumbai….. nice time pass and then there was If God Was a Banker.. again a very different and authentic book as far as work culture of Indian MNC’s is concerned.. and then I was finally able to read the kite runner… Khallid hosseni is really one writer whose books touch your soul. My best in the current generation of Asian Authors.
PS: Mr Anu Malik,the Pun is seriously unintended.....
But if there’s something like icing on the cake then for spring 2008 Delhi the day would unambiguously go to 31 March – 1 April. I got up at about 7:00 Am to get ready for office… went out looking for a towel , brushing my teeth and oh my god… the weather was ultimate… cool, fresh absolutely unadulterated winds…. Stood there for full 3 Minutes… absolutely jealous of the birds.. they were chirping, playing and having the best of every moment……
Anyways came here cribbing and thinking about those 3 minutes….. Convinced my friends for lunch at Haldiram’s and Pls don’t laugh that’s the only place accessible without much trouble from my office. I am spending some of the best hours of my days of some of the best years of my life at a location which is as barren as the depleting Aravalli hills... Anyways about this going out thing the plan was aborted sooner than it was conceived. No point going into the details. Anyway I have absolutely 3rd grade work to do…. It’s not at all exciting and I feel sick the moment I see this application…. My fate alas….
I am a strong believer of the fact that the book finds the reader and its never the other way round. I used to read osho a lot… but then there was a time I found him artificial….anyways somehow I have discovered this Osho Book and am enjoying it so you see the book has found me at last…….. nice one its about Krishna…..
And then the fiction category I recently read love and longing in Mumbai….. nice time pass and then there was If God Was a Banker.. again a very different and authentic book as far as work culture of Indian MNC’s is concerned.. and then I was finally able to read the kite runner… Khallid hosseni is really one writer whose books touch your soul. My best in the current generation of Asian Authors.
PS: Mr Anu Malik,the Pun is seriously unintended.....
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Remembering March
hey again....... what is it that I want to share today...... well lets see, its the month of march my second best (best being October/November....)well the wind these days are fresh , crisp and fragrant.. I see palash tress all around me posing magnificently with the red flowers crowned on the leafless, bare branches.... who said they are useless.... i see them as really brave fellows... They’ll remain leafless in spring season but still qualify as one of the most beautiful trees.
I like this month partly because this is the month when our final exams were over.. we had all the time to ourselves... I think we wouldn't be the person we are if it hadn't been for our childhood days.. .. The way we bonded with the nature...The way we felt when we first touched a butterfly...Watching earthworms scroll.... Plucking rose.. eating mulberry's , Guava, grapes fresh and unwashed....Playing those crazy games...
The smell still lingers and when the month is March it becomes nostalgic.... I want to go out and breathe as much air as i possibly can...
I still remember the way I used to stand on my roof tops around dusk, I used to look up and watch few bright stars and then go round and round and round... my head then used to become so light that it seemed as if I was floating... I used to giggle uncontrollably… The feeling seeping in slowly to each and every muscle…. awareness hundred percent. nothing else used to exist nothing else mattered it was just me and the stars and that feeling of completeness....
A few years back I used to actually laugh at people who talked this way.... but now I understand what they missed
I like this month partly because this is the month when our final exams were over.. we had all the time to ourselves... I think we wouldn't be the person we are if it hadn't been for our childhood days.. .. The way we bonded with the nature...The way we felt when we first touched a butterfly...Watching earthworms scroll.... Plucking rose.. eating mulberry's , Guava, grapes fresh and unwashed....Playing those crazy games...
The smell still lingers and when the month is March it becomes nostalgic.... I want to go out and breathe as much air as i possibly can...
I still remember the way I used to stand on my roof tops around dusk, I used to look up and watch few bright stars and then go round and round and round... my head then used to become so light that it seemed as if I was floating... I used to giggle uncontrollably… The feeling seeping in slowly to each and every muscle…. awareness hundred percent. nothing else used to exist nothing else mattered it was just me and the stars and that feeling of completeness....
A few years back I used to actually laugh at people who talked this way.... but now I understand what they missed
Sunday, March 9, 2008
The Introspection day
I am ashamed to admit this… really….
1. I live in the past…..
2. I always yearn for things I don’t have
And I am desperate to get rid of these habits… and I need to be taught (well ya… we are used to be spoon fed, at least I have lost the wisdom though I am intelligent (ego!!!!… it wont ever leave me alone……) but intellect seems to be missing… everything is learnt nothing comes from within even though I try really hard to listen and there is a voice talking to me from deep within but I am always in doubt.. I don’t know for sure whether I can trust it or not...) Anyways these are two habits I desperately need to get rid of. And I wish I could be more carefree towards life… I wish I could be more naïve……… there are so many things we take for granted that we don’t say WOW to nature’s most basic yet most complex, essential gifts……anyways I need to re- discover myself I say discover and not invent because I know everything is in place its just that I am not aware of its existence….Most of all I want to be someone who is satisfied with what is offered… I want to be one who accepts things as they come and yep though I know all these things I still think that I am one of the most credulous and venerable being………. and you guessed it right its Monday again ;-) ….. it has become ‘The Introspection day’ or what?????
1. I live in the past…..
2. I always yearn for things I don’t have
And I am desperate to get rid of these habits… and I need to be taught (well ya… we are used to be spoon fed, at least I have lost the wisdom though I am intelligent (ego!!!!… it wont ever leave me alone……) but intellect seems to be missing… everything is learnt nothing comes from within even though I try really hard to listen and there is a voice talking to me from deep within but I am always in doubt.. I don’t know for sure whether I can trust it or not...) Anyways these are two habits I desperately need to get rid of. And I wish I could be more carefree towards life… I wish I could be more naïve……… there are so many things we take for granted that we don’t say WOW to nature’s most basic yet most complex, essential gifts……anyways I need to re- discover myself I say discover and not invent because I know everything is in place its just that I am not aware of its existence….Most of all I want to be someone who is satisfied with what is offered… I want to be one who accepts things as they come and yep though I know all these things I still think that I am one of the most credulous and venerable being………. and you guessed it right its Monday again ;-) ….. it has become ‘The Introspection day’ or what?????
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