Marrying Me!!

Hi,
I know it has been terribly late .I cannot even say sorry to the selected few followers of my blog, but I hope to make up for the lost time. People have moved on to tweet and I feel left behind!! Plan to catch up soon though. When was it that I last wrote! Oh my god it has been more than a year… well the past year went wonderfully well I happened to visit the wild west… both US and UK. I earned my first ever USD and spent my first ever GBP with great élan and style. I visited this heavenly place called Scotland and had a soul touching experience at Portobello beach Edinburgh. I have had a good time in general and made some lasting relationships and loving memories in particular while I was in UK. And no prices guessing Europe is any time better than America.

So Yes, back to the title of my post “Marrying Me!!”. Ladies and gentlemen No prices guessing, “Marrying Me” is the biggest obsession with mom dad these days… I am not averse to this idea either. This is all we do on weekends search , search and search for that perfect guy that I can call my soul mate and my parents can proudly call their son-in-law. Those ladies out there… who are in a way no bigger than child- girls themselves. Who are single as of now, ready to mingle of late but don’t know how to go about it can relate to me anytime. We are the contemporary Indian Women modern yet traditional… but this post is not about everybody it is about me.
It’s about this Alice in wonderland type of girl… who had no great plans in her life. Who’s the most carefree and classy person you would have come across. Who gets what she wants… always. It’s about this girl who is a dreamer… who dreams and usually without her struggling much has those dreams fulfilled. She is like this hummingbird…. Who wants to fly, but she has accidently flown into a cage. The gates were never closed but she was happy where she was…. Now she wants to fly, realizes the cage gate was never closed but she doubts her wings might not be strong enough. What she fails to realize is that she was the one who flew in to the protection of the cage on her own will… she was the flying one!!!
So what’s tormenting this girl of ours . Let’s see, She’s someone who has been wearing those strange pink tinted glasses all her life. She has looked at the world the way she wants to… now suddenly she is stuck up in a very strange situation read ‘The Modern Indian Arrange Marriage’…. It’s a hypocrite type of a situation… Modern and Indian Marriages don’t go hand in hand for one thing… She feels like Alice lost in the wonderland.

Her Usual Weekends: Meeting Up With Guys

He: Hi.
She: Hi.
He: What’s your name?
She: xyz. What’s yours?
He: abc .
She: So what did you do after you schooling?
He: blah blah. What about you?
She: blah blaah…
He: What about your hobbies?
She: blah blah… What about yours
He: blah blah…
..
He and She: some more blabbering.
..

Parents: Blabbering at the same time In the vicinity… lots of blah-blah going around!!
….


Most of the time there is no connect... only blabbering. Saying no comes easily and naturally. Well the difficult part is saying “yes”. The ones caught up in this question have the most agonizing work to do. I’ll tell you something , I was seeing this guy kind of liking him….. everything was going fine till I wanted to decide what to do about my life in general and this matrimonial proposal in particular .I had no clue how to go about it.. ‘caught in the wrong place for sure’. It was an experience worth having most shaky, unsure and embarrassing two weeks of my life have just ended .I Thank god they have ended and I am once again in control of my destiny and my future. Why I behaved the way I behaved I can never tell. Its me having the commitment issues or the other person I can never be sure of ; but the point to be noted here ladies and gentlemen is that when the transition from “I” to “We” doesn’t come naturally and is being scrutinized every minute it can be suffocating and claustrophobic.

This post is especially for My Mr Right .The man in my life I have been waiting for. I seriously don’t know where you are, I don’t know who you are and I don’t know whether I’ll be able to recognize you or not. But the strong belief that someone custom made for me exists and that this Brida will find her soulmate helps me sail through.

So Ok retrospection and introspection time yet again.”Lady You have acted stupidly and embarrassingly ” is one understatement. You couldn’t have made more fool of yourself and you still need some good maturing to do before you outgrow that teenage mindset of yours. Missy you panicked big time and it had nothing to do with people around you…. It was just pure You!!! You having a conversation with yourself and getting disturbed…. There was this guy who said ‘I cannot say No” you thought he meant yes… you thought maybe he’s the one and you went’ bizzare’… you were like this tortoise… sitting on a beach , with your head secured in a shell waiting for the sun to rise… the sun comes up!! You sort of feel nice and want to sun bathe that delicate face and neck of yours. But you were so comfortable inside that you started acting crazy and started rolling over your back. IMAGINE!!! This is what you did.
The experience was worth having. I am sure I learnt a lot, But nonetheless those pink tinted glasses of mine have this strange tinge of orange now, read… reality which bites.

This post is for that one man that I’ll call my Mr. Right. I want him to know what I went through before he finally came in to my life. Its about my being understood by him completely .It is about this guy who has those delicate surgeon hands and when I give my heart to him I can relax and rest assure and say this is what I want in life.
And yes I’ll tell you what happened. I think I have bored the wandering readers enough to click the next blogger hehe…;. I have been forced to think about what I want from life and to do something serious about it….. The way I naturally flow has been stopped abruptly. These two weeks after introspection and retrospection could not be more hilarious…..

Guy : I cannot say no.. But I need time before I say yes.. can I have your number. We can talk of course with your parent’s permission.
Girl : exchanges number…(Thinking!!! oh my god!! Are you the one I had been waiting for!! oh my god!! Are you the one I had been waiting for!! oh my god!! Are you the one I had been waiting for!! oh my god!! Are you the one I had been waiting for!!......goes in an infinite loop.)
Guy: Speaking ,speking
Girl: not listening (Thinking!!! oh my god!! Are you the one I had been waiting for!... freaked out completely)
Guy: can I have your phone number.
Girl: yeah sure (thinking finally this mobile phone of mine may be of some use… oh my god!! Is this how this happens freaky, shaky.)

….
Telephone Conversation:
Guy : what do you want what are your expectation from your life partner.
Girl: Ummm… hmmm…… yeah… nothing actually……haven’t thought about it really (How she Feels ….. freaky shakky, like this tortoise of ours rolling on this sunny day…)
Guy : (Thinking.. ok aunty.. nice to talk to you.. wasting my time types…) OK… but still
Girl : Imagine blank… (She has gone blank very few times in life.. cannot handle this simple absurd conversation… Imagine!!!!!)
Guy: wants to talk.
Girl:[ Feeling … sulking.freaked out . why?
1. Since this decision has been left to me am I mature enough to handle it.
2. If he’s the one how will I get to know.
3. Wasn’t it suppose to click instantaneously..wasn’t this transition from “I” to “We” suppose to happen effortlessly and feel like an angels blessing. Its not happening smoothly what’s wrong?
4. I am not going to open up to someone who is not going to stay. I cannot have my heart bruised by an orthopedic I need a cardiologist.]
Speaking: beating around the bush…


I was feeling like this small deer protected by her herd. Left to cross this road called matrimony. I know that somewhere there’s another herd waiting for me but thetraffic is real heavy… I am scared of being crushed..

Some more stupid talks and then lets meet.
The meeting went smoothly. I won’t say I was under confident but neither can I say I was myself. My heart skipped a beat and I am thinking is it this guy or the situation I am in…

Some talking..
Went ok…
Came back..
A bit more relaxed..
Decided to talk on phone!!!
.. talked on phone
… took three days to be myself..
.. talked more.
.. felt OK!! (I mean with matrimony glooming at backend can’t say I was my best..)


And then lets meet!!!
Freaked out!!! Completely big way this time!! Had the most embarrassing and unsure day of my life that I can think of…. I was not in control of the situation and let it go out of my hands. I thank god that I am back in control… and that the day has come to an end.

Sample Converstaion:

He: .. so you like movies?
Me: Yes!!
He : And you hate ekta kapoor/karan Johar (I made him read my blogs just to let him know that am normal!! He refuses to buy it and I simply refuse to sell it.. if he cannot sense it he’s not worth it)
He:I love “Dil To Pagal Hai”, “Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gum”etc all
Me: OK! (what am I thinking !! This is not my type of romantic movie… I love fifty fisrt dates especially the part where adam sandlers woes Drew Barrymore every day with a new Idea. )I love pride and prejudice especially the part where Elizabeth and Darcy are deciding what will they call each other in different situations after they get married. Sweet November is one of my best movie . A walk to remember and Notebook can be watched 100 times over) and what do I say… nothing.

He: what’s your idea of romance. He lets me know his.. small things that he wants from life
ME : I go blank, say nothing! Keep quite (I am thinking of my idea of romance.. I am more of a love story by Erich Seaghel and We The living by Ayn Rand type of a person My Idea of a perfect evening is this long walk on a sandy beach, hands in hands after a hectic day.. and sharing what happened today. My Idea of romance is travelling in this crowdy bus and having these very strong shoulders to put my head on…. My Idea of romance is just looking at the guy and sense what he wants at the moment. My Idea is in becoming this strong anchor and soft sponge in his life at the same time. This sponge read enduring Indian women absorbs all the shocks in his life and lets him squeeze it dry at his will. My Idea of romance is simple.. live and love happily ever after.)


I think whatever happens, happens for the best.. Emotional fools like us need some good reality check. Each experience teaches you something!! I acted stupidly and concluded embarrassingly!! But this is how god wanted it to be. Writing about it has been healing. I feel refreshed.
Two movies end to end : Paa and 2012 with a loving friend and buying “Marrying Anita” and having My coffee My way will do the needful … I’ll be my usual self and I am happy to be back…BTW: to be continued till I meet my Mr. Right. I’ll be back with new experiences and another story.